Leave! You are not a tree

Rosalia David

OUT of a group of friends, there is always that one pal that continuously has relationship problems and every time you advise her/him to leave the affiliation, the advice simply falls on deaf ears. 
It is very hard to establish why people in abusive relationships find it difficult to just pack up and leave. It can be done, I don’t think its rocket science. 
We know it is easier said than done but I don’t see any reason why anyone whether female or male should be stuck in a relationship where they are constantly being abused physically and emotionally. 
Others, believe that it is hard to start over with someone else while many continue to trust that perpetrators (psychopaths) ‘might change’ through the relationship.  
Well, perhaps some people have managed to prove that they have changed in a relationship, but I believe it is very difficult for someone to change just like that. 
Don’t be a victim fooled by when it’s good yet when it’s bad it is the constant criticism, the sulks, the explosive rages, the intimidation, and the feeling of loneliness which makes one start doubting reality. 
Like I said earlier, it is not easy to just open a new page and forget about everything but if it is not good for your soul and if it’s causing you pain let it go before you become a frog being boiled. 
Many Africans need to stop with the notion of ‘all men are bastards’ as this will keep you with the bastard you’re with, but when you look at reality not all men are decidedly bastards; most are decent, while some are really special. 
Another belief is that ‘all relationships have their ups and downs’. Well that specific mindset will surely keep you in the worthless relationship you are in right now. 
Do not minimise outrageous behaviour because you will never see the wrong side of him or her. 
Matter of fact he/she is not emotionally or physically abusing you because they are drunk, stressed, insecure, had a terrible cheating ex, or because someone dropped him/her on their head during infancy, but in most instances abusers simply do it because they feel they have a right to do it. Unfortunately this has been perpetuated by certain ‘beliefs’ which are fully supported by the African culture.