Marriage is most women’s worst nightmare
In the Namibian tradition, marriage is considered the biggest step one could ever take in their life and people get praised for it while some get nagged about it as if it is a taboo for one not to get married.
It however requires one to be mentally and physically prepared since it is not always going to be heaven on earth for some especially women and this always ends in divorces at an early stage right after couples get married.
Marriage is an intricacy most women could ever go through at the hands of abusive husbands and skirt chasers. Yet some women are still stereotypical about it. They believe that marriage should be a miserable lifelong experience. Husband and wife should fight every day, a husband should abuse her and the children as well as go after other women otherwise they say he is under her thumb.
Patriarchy is leaving women with no say in marriages and it makes men more selfish, they only think about themselves and what their women feel does not matter. They sleep around and have children with different women as much as they like, but if a woman has a child before marriage then she is being called a slut and not allowed to say anything about the marriage’s problems – apparently that shows how ill-disciplined she is.
Being accepted by in-laws is another challenge most women encounter during the process of matrimony. If the in-laws do not approve the idea of a woman getting married to their relative, they will do anything to make sure the marriage does not happen. They would create all sorts of lies about the woman and degrade her.
Women get blamed and stigmatised for everything wrong in their marriages. The blame lies with them and they are being accused of being responsible for their husband’s unfaithfulness and domestic violence and expected to be obedient. They do everything they could to make their marriages work; they raise children on their own while their husbands are away for work and put on brave faces as if everything is fine, although they are not in happy marriages nor happily married.
Although they do all of these things, their presence is only being felt when their husbands are alive. After their husbands deaths they become irrelevant to their in-laws, they get thrown out of their houses together with their children and being left with absolutely nothing.
Feminism is the only destructive weapon that would put an end to domestic violence and patriarchy. For this to happen, more feminists are needed to work with special organisations to combat abuse as we have the Ministry of Gender and Child Welfare working tirelessly to eliminate all abuses. Society needs more feminists to stand against patriarchy and domestic violence.
Most men are really cruel human beings when they are married. They become womanisers, abusers and total strangers. Just because they do provide for their families, the rest of their wrong doings tend to be forgotten. When will this ever end? When will men ever respect women and realise the fact that women gave them life?
* Celestinus Aitana is a Bachelor of English student at the Namibia University of Science and Technology