The abusive relationship trap
DESPITE the emotional trauma and severe pain, women subjected to abuse and other forms of domestic violence on a daily basis, we all know at least one of many who choose to remain in toxic relationships for years, if not decades.
Even though there are a variety of complicated reasons, some women feel trapped in the cycle of abuse, overwhelmed by the swirling, often conflicting, emotions their manipulative and controlling abusers use to keep them hooked like a drug addict.
We also know that it’s very easy to advise a woman in an abusive relationship to ‘just let go’ but the truth remains that it really takes a lot of strength to just pack up and slam the door.
Well, a few years back I was one of these women, caught up in a relationship that I clearly knew wasn’t good for me. Never ever had I thought that I would one day wake up without the one guy who seemed to be so perfect? Every time I was advised to leave, those words fell on deaf ears.
I didn’t listen, because it felt like I was never going to find another ‘him’ ever again. On the other hand, I believed letting go of the bird in my hand means never finding someone to love again.
At times, he was sweet and tender, perhaps the only thing that kept me running back into his arms over and over again. He had a split personality that confused me as to how he actually felt about me. There are times I hated him, but I couldn’t just free myself from this young man. I kept forgiving him. I thought I would never find someone who found me as awesome as he did. The truth is, I was afraid to be alone.
Little did I know that it’s a trap, because in the same breath he lowered my self-esteem and made me believe that I would never find someone who would genuinely love me the way he did. I never knew that love is not supposed to hurt?
It is indeed true that the constant barrage of abuse one experiences with a toxic partner leaves you feeling unhappy, isolated and belittled. You obviously know that you aren’t being treated well, but you end up believing that you’re unworthy of good love, and that even if you were worthy of it, you would have no idea how to find it. Again, it’s a trap!
My advice to all victims out there is to remember that you are worth it and deserve much better than someone who appreciates you only when they feel like it. Have the patience to be by yourself until the right man comes along to sweep you off your feet.
Even though you have been together for many years and probably have children together, it does not mean that you are obliged to be with a perpetrator! It is better to leave now or never.