The burden of single parenting
• BY TRACY TAFIRENYIKA
ONE of God’s greatest gifts to mankind is the ability to procreate. It is a defining moment that gives joy regardless of whether the baby was accidentally conceived or whether it was a planned decision.
The happiness associated with starting a family is fundamental!
People, out of instinct, optimistically look forward to parenthood and all the new experiences it will bring. But like all things in life, parenthood can be unpredictable. You may find yourself widowed in the case of your partner dying unexpectedly or you might
find yourself in the middle of an ugly custody battle when a relationship breaks down, or worse, you might find yourself in the unenviable position of struggling to claim maintenance from a deadbeat partner and the difficulties of being a single parent.
Being a single parent forces one to play the role of the absent parent be it a single mother doubling as a father or a single father sometimes playing the role of an absent mother. This is a stressful process and has negative repercussions on the child or children the single parent is raising.
According to registered physiologist, Joab Mudzanapabwe, the absence of both parents implies the absence of role models in children especially when they grow up.
“The absence of another parent when it comes to the child’s growth is very important. It can cause behavioral problems in their lifestyle.
Some will end up abusing their partners when they grow up because of that element that
was missing. Substance abuse requires a male figure that can play a role to stop the children from doing bad habbits.
There should be attachment and bonding to parents in terms
of psychological dynamics”, Mudzanapabwe told Confidente.
46-year-old single father, Ananias Ikela, a resident of Windhoek told Confidente that 12 years after his partner got married to someone else he had to take full responsibility for his child.
“My partner got married to another man, and l have been taking care of my child for the past 12 years.
It is not easy at all as l have to do everything by myself in order to give my child a better future.
Although my job is not paying very well but l know that l have a responsibility to build my child,” Ikela said.
“I make sure l pay my child’s school fees, provide him with clothes and assist him with
his homework. The burden is to much but l do not have a choice, she does not even come to visit her own child, l’m the one that has to call her so that she talks to the child because sometimes my child misses her a lot. I have to pay rent and all that but it is not easy,” he narrated.
Maria Nakapunda, a 27-year-old Windhoek resident said, “Lack of support from your partner is the main challenge when it comes to raising a child. A child needs both parents when it comes to some situations and l also need emotional support from a partner, sometimes l go through a lot of stress when trying to take care of my child and it is very difficult,” Nakapunda Confided in Confidente.
“It even becomes more difficult when the child starts to ask for his father and as a mother you do not know what to say because you were never with the parent. I get N$700 monthly from my partner and it is not enough as things are very expensive these days and my job doesn’t really pay well. These are most of the challenges that l go through as a single mother and l hope the government will intervene one day,” she stated.
Another 33-year-old single mother who prefers to remain anonymous also told Confidente that being a single arent brings depression and stress.
“Financial difficulties are the main challenge, in this world everything that you do requires money, it is not easy to survive without that ‘paper’.
It is very depressing for me as l’m the only one who takes care of my three children and my family does not help me with that support. I’m the only one contributing and my partner does nothing at all.
“I usually spent around N$3000 per month on food which finishes quickly, l have
to hustle for my children to put food on the table. It is really a challenge to us single mothers especially when you do not have enough money. These fathers do not visit their children
but they are just checking on social media if the children are fine and he does not care. The government should really assist us with jobs as single mothers so that we can take care of our kids,” she recommended.
In the absence of a national register it is difficult to tell how many households are led by single parents.
The Namibia Household and Expenditure Survey 2015/2016 conducted by the National Statistics Agency shows that households with only one parent are more likely to have less income then households with both parents.
The Young People in Namibia: An analysis of the 2011 population and housing census also shows a significant rise in female led household.
A Local psychologist informed Confidente that the ‘traditional’ (nuclear) family is no longer the norm.
“There has been a paradigm shift in what constitutes a family, traditionally it was two parents and their children, however, we live in a country with a high divorce rate, we also have a high rate of teenage pregnancies and these can all lead to single parent households. It is my belief and indeed my studies have shown that children raised by single parents are not necessarily at a disadvantage when compared to those raised by both parents, in some cases those raised by single parents depending on the resources available can have better outcomes than those who grow up in a ‘traditional,” the psychologist remarked.
He further added that single- parent pessimism should not be the norm and the stigma attached to single-parenthood which is grounded in traditional beliefs of what constitutes a family needs to be discarded.
“We cannot force people who do not want to be together to be together, yes there is a responsibility for raising children together however if a relationship is not working it would be healthier for the child if the parents were to separate than if they were to remain together,” the psychologist implored.
Other contributors to single parenting include the loss of a spouse due to death when a partner is left widowed, divorce, separation and terminal illness.